Forgotten March

I am like the forgotten Norfolk christmas pine,
tucked away in a corner of the room,
drooping, parches, branches awry --
a hodgepodge of haphazard limbs,
protruding forth in all directions--
reaching out for WHY?
I do not know.

Hungry for something, for many things
--it knows not WHAT--
for too many stalks were birthed within its pot.
It's time to prune the burgeoning pine--
Cast out the dead wood twigs,
make way for fresh and robust growth
--see if any inner stalks are enough
to carve a path, define a steady road--
for now the brittle needles are soon to drop.

The extremities of the languishing pine
are brown and brittle, just like mine.

A January Freeze

I am as brown as the frozen January earth
-- stunted, stilted, insipid fields of grass
--sickly , pasty, brown shades of sepia and ochre.

All I gaze upon has permeated my very core.
My brain, encapsulated in this head,
Floats above my body of forgotten feeling and attachment.

I look upon the world, removed, and
know that death and life are but the grand illusions
we all toy with and allude to every day.

Relatedness is meaningless in a world of One.
--I long to scream wildly and run unfettered free.
--I long to feel once more the wind and sea.

But alas, I feel my soul has plummeted down
to the half-way house of Hades’ refuge
--where all is calm and brown,
and frozen ground,

And a strangely eerie peace envelops me, ...
as I taste the frosty breath of January.

Black and White/Day and Night

On the by-way to work, a thought in the car--a scrap of paper stuffed in the coffee cup that reads:

"I am a pantheist first and foremost, an ascetic constantly at war with my hedonistic desires of gastronomic pleasures."

I see how the light goes on down that Great Highway, straight as a road... then a tunnel that narrows to one last point of light before disappearing into darkness -- that is nothingness...

At least, I see how you envision death--for that is what the World shows you: light and dark, day and night, good and evil, black and white --

But have you never tasted mists of grey that come before the dawn, or shivered with the daybreak's promise of the nighthawk's song?

Winged Messenger

I belong nowhere and everywhere.

I am nothing and everything.

Where do you alight, frantic butterfly?

How to you reach your destiny,

Winged Messenger?

and what

is the message you bring me?

Musings in a Hotel Room -- Written at Comfort Suites, San Jose, 5/18/08 ....

THE LOVE AFFAIRS: An Interlude from Life… ........
-- Within the womb of this room,
the ocean's breath is my lover's caress… ....
***********************************
Part I:

I stand on the mountains,
on the top of the rock,
At the edge of the Sea,
naked and free…
Ready to fly, ready to leap
into azure depths of infinity....

Enveloped in this yellow room –
Mirrored selves shine everywhere,
I walk naked as a woodland nymph
through the forest of the senses
– sensual, untouchable,
cherishing each breath,
each perfection of form with this body blessed
– moving proudly,
fearlessly,
I float through gilded castle.....

Standing naked at the window,
'neath the smile of the Moon
-- my ever constant lover, faithful friend, father.
For now this is enough
to fill my cup.....
In the solace of this place
At last I have found respite
--from the aching hearts, the empty lives,
scattered souls, searching eyes
and all our busyness.....

In this peaceful shrine of pure aloneness,
I close my eyes and faintly smile
--A smile of dreams, past and future,
of other worlds and other lives perhaps.....
The words keep pouring forth
from within this time, within this shrine
–long repressed, aching to be expressed,
in the poetry of souls
–-Hidden dreams, anger, hurt,
remorse, regret,
guilt and longing, joy and light,
connect and disconnect,
judgment and condemnation.....

But in the very, very end,
all I can ever say,
Is this love was always there….
So much so, I let it spill out everywhere
in hopes that you'd stand there --
Constant as the moon, with lover's eyes and hands,
To shore up the rivers of my heart
and quench again this thirst.
To let my lips taste your mouth again,
and drink the tenderness of wine
That once flowed free
from your heart's cup to mine.....

PART II:
The full Moon's white porcelain face,
light of eternal lovers' smiling eyes and gentle mouth,
His dark black velvet, warm soft embrace
Cloaks round me now in tight black lace.....
In bodice secure I stand demure,
Moon's light radiating from my face.
I stand alone, regal, proud,
Fearless in the black of Night.
in Woman full, I laugh out loud.....
The Path not yet lit before me lies.
But strong am I, and patient, wise,
Know depths of soul will keep me whole.....
In faith now, I wait till beauty rise
In the still of morn, and rosy dawn
--For this new day to soon be born.....

Part III:
Cloaked within my golden room,
penning ode into the night,
perched atop my pillowed bed,
Other self's image reflected,
With seascape dreams above my head.....
Then rise and walk--
facing the mirror, I now stand,
Black bodice lingerie, pink ribbon,
Lace caressing breast, the cup of desire,
naked below and open-faced at last.....

Then gazing back through mirror to the bed,
A vision I see of lover's entwined in tender caress,
And see as well the face of the One
whose body I treasured as my own,
whose soul I have loved as the golden Sun.
He lies with another now upon the bed.
His heart unfettered, his body finally free.
Pleasure to her in joy he gives,
As once he loved and gave to me....

And now I turn once more around,
I face my bed of gold and see
I too have found another lover waits for me.....
In satin sheets of indigo blue,
And golden pillows of moonlit hue,
He waits with black eyes full of light
With body glistening pure and white
—Adonis of my fullest night.....
I go to him
and fall upon his breast again.
He lifts me up to see my face,
Then pulls me back
in love's embrace.....
Tear drops of stars I taste
upon his tongue. In passion's flower
we breathe and move as one.....
His lips are mine
and soul's desire
Lies deep within his eyes eternal.....

This time, with souls entwined,
Pure ecstasy of spirit, form,
Have merged as One.
And in each other's embrace I find ...
I have come home to ME
And him to HE.....

Remember the channels of healing...

Sometimes I voice a sound that sounds like your voice --
then you resonate with me within my being.
What is this unworldly connection we share?
This unseen thread that's not yet severed.

I often sit and wonder,,, and ponder… upon this web.
********************
Remember the channels of healing.
Read, write….. breathe in, breathe out…
every moment….
So much darkness one moment,
so much light another.
I’m 52.
End that story, begin another …
One-liners can help.
But before you forget each image from the dream
and rise to start your day,
and all that’s routine –
Breathe in the image from the dream --
the words that resonate within your heart
and pen them upon the page
before you fully wake
and forget their double message.
***************
There’re zillions of flies here on my breakfast today –
just like the countless coincidences of dreams
and people colliding – serendipitous encounters
of people, places past and present…
Zillions of those too, it seems
stories upon stories of people we know –
suddenly dying, breaking apart, birthing, joining –
like atoms splitting apart or reconnecting
to form new matter from the old and familiar –
So many “de ja vus” of people and places presenting themselves
upon our paths these days too.
This is what I think upon I tell my daughter,
in short, … ad nauseum, when such and such occurs.
There’re zillions of flies trying to get at my breakfast today…
Why IS that?
But she says – It’s just ONE.
********************
How do I unseat you from my soul? And you, me?
I think the process has begun.

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Written 8/14/08 after breakfast with my daughter, pondering life's path, the flies on the table, the relationships and coincidences that appear and disappear, the meanings, if any, of them all.